Kissing your fear

Drawing by Garret Gaston

This is a good start. As I sit in silence, I realize the silence is really a multitude of voices, talking about fear, unwanted, unowned… feared fear. The need to write about it may have to do with being able to hold the stuff at arm’s length, to see it and throw light on it separate from myself; of course, as I do it,  I realize that what produces it, lives within me, deep within me. Now, the question is fear to what? To the perfect storm, to rejection, to repeating the same unwanted behavior, to saying too much, to being alone, to not meeting the expectations of others, to peaking, to aging, to not being… We create the perfect storm for ourselves, not realizing that it constitutes a threshold, a portal to go through, and to cross it is a task we either undertake or watch it grow, sometimes for the rest of our lives:  “the longer we take surveying the mountain, questioning our route, the harder the mountain is to climb” , I  read this recently and it felt true to me. At the same time, if we only could realize that the storm is unavoidable… one. And two, that once you brave riding it, it transforms into something that is no longer threatening, the fear has transformed.
Our parents, social milieu and contemporary society in general, exposes us to beliefs that are difficult to question and we absorb them as ours, making them into a conditioning imprint we frequently we carry for the rest of our lives, mostly in an unconscious manner, and mostly acting in accordance with it. Some of our personality traits go back to our early days as infants and we never realize that the reason for acting in this or that way has been completely obsolete for the last 40 years, but the mind, as resourceful as it is, always finds an explanation for our way of acting or, more accurately, reacting—making it very difficult to figure out the real reason why we reacted the way we did. Unless we inspect our beliefs, we live our existences as a chain reaction that never stops, something “good” happens, we feel “good”, something “bad” happens and we go south, all linked to the conditioning. It is worth mentioning that “a memory” is basically a chemical cocktail that our brain concocts as it receives stimuli from the environment or from within our bodies. As our neurons are stimulated by such chemistry, we feel, hear, smell, “touch” the past experience in the present (the brain recalls the entry that is similar to the present situation)—and reacts accordingly. It does not matter if it was my girlfriend that “sounded” or “acted” like my mother, the instantly summoned memory triggered my reaction to my mother’s voice. And so it goes, one after the other one, we don’t question our perception, we point the finger in the other direction looking for who’s to blame, why? Because to accept that we may be wrong is not very uplifting, it is humbling and requires maturity.

Which brings me to the present, we all tend to outcast certain aspects of human behavior that we do not like, not condone or outright condemn. The concept of unity in diversity can be expanded, in my opinion, to include these aspects of human experience. Some believe the reality we  experience is closely linked to the thoughts that hold our attention, including all and every aspect of your existence. This notion is particularly challenging when you think of a personal experience of disease or the situation our planet Earth goes through in this moment. What do I have to do with the wars, famine, social injustice, deforestation, etc. the world lives today? That is for every person to answer for him or herself, I believe that being able to recognize our contribution in our every day actions to this moment of the planet would be deeply healing. You see, either through our silence, lack of action and or, paradoxically, our search for only the positive aspects of life, we feed a model of duality, in which opposites continue to measure strengths forever. Such moment of honest introspection should be approached without any judgement upon ourselves, instead, bringing a lucid understanding of the extension of our actions, ultimately recognizing a model of the universe that oriental thought has clearly understood since long ago, in which good and evil, peace and violence and any other pair of opposites, merely describe two aspects of One and the same process.

Hoʻoponopono is a Hawaiian ancient practice on forgiveness and reconciliation based in this principle. As I ask for forgiveness for the part of me that has contributed to “x” situation, for the part of me that relates to the fear monger, the politician, the manipulator or the assassin, the opposites have a chance of reuniting in the Source.



  1. Bryan Singleton · September 27, 2011

    German’ nice writing. Getting intimate with ones fear is the first step , kissing it , acknowledging it’s existence inviting it out of the shadows and into the light, may be the way to live with it.

  2. andrewrader · September 28, 2011

    A very timely piece to read. Thank you for mentioning the practice of Hooponopono. It helps to remember that in some way, we create the experience that is our world.

  3. Peggy Washburn · September 28, 2011

    Lovely writing Germán. It feels to take a few moments out of our hectic lives and contemplate. Thanks for sharing.

  4. ethel · September 28, 2011

    Exquisite writing–Thank you

  5. locha · September 28, 2011

    Beautifull writing. Es inspiracion para me y me ayuda a poner mis pensamientos en orden. Mil gracias

  6. Kit Walker · September 28, 2011

    well said, German…! i like this line: “You see, either through our silence, lack of action and or, paradoxically, our search for only the positive aspects of life, we feed a model of duality, in which opposites continue to measure strengths forever.” the positive attitude plastered over the fear just makes for a very superficial and dishonest connection to life.

  7. Kirk · September 28, 2011

    Thank you for this – I sent it out to the Facebook ether, hope you don’t mind.

    – k

    • silenthead · September 29, 2011

      Of course not Kirk, thank you for posting it.

  8. Pablo Herrera · October 2, 2011

    Hermano, me encantó tu escrito. No te conocía tus dotes literarias, me refiero a poder expresar algo profundo de manera clara y atractiva. Gracias brother, luego platicaremos ampliamente. Pablo

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